When Following Jesus is Costly
Disappointment. For those of us who are Chicago Bears fans, disappointment is a fresh feeling, isn’t it? I remember when Parker’s field goal attempt was blocked to hit the post, not once, but twice. It so was close, which made it even more disappointing and maybe even a little more hard to believe. I remember just sitting there speechless (which is a feat in itself), my heart sinking into my stomach, and my mouth wide open like a baby bird ready for a feeding.
No one likes the feeling of disappointment. No one.
I’ve had a few serious disappointments over the past few years and lately, I’ve felt some internally wrestling going on in my heart. I took a 3-day personal retreat just after Christmas and while I was there God, in His mercy, exposed my heart. Even though what we found there wasn’t pleasant, the Lord didn’t condemn me for how I felt, instead He still offered me His peaceful presence. Because that’s just how good He is.
That’s what God exposed in my heart. In all of my disappointments over the years I can’t say anger has ever been a feeling I’ve felt. Maybe because this so so much more than a Bears kicker missing a field goal, but a Mama Bear heart that’s been grieved.
Maybe you’ve said this to God too: “God take all of my life; use it for your glory, whatever the cost.” But then something costly happens, something really costly, something we never expected God to allow.
I never wanted to struggle to connect with my son. Never.
I sat there crying (which is not a feat in itself) with a heart wrestling to accept. Yet, in the tenderness of God’s love, He came to remind me of His love, care, and sufficiency. So with open hands and a hurting heart, I raised my voice to God and declared, “Lord I trust You.” Because this is how we heal. We heal by choosing to trust and rest in God who meets us in our brokenness, our questions, our feelings of anger, hurt, isolation, disillusionment, and fear. So Beloved, would you do the same?